Traumatic experiences are subjective and highly personal. Events can create feelings of helplessness and evoke emotions related to that perceived threat as a response. They can be active or stay dormant for many years, only to arise at different times in your life. What causes trauma is the overstimulation of our core beyond the ability for our endurance, and that endurance capacity varies. It is true that, additionally, trauma is cumulative and, as it builds up, makes us vulnerable to further crises. The impact of trauma can be subtle, insidious, or destructive, staying with us long after the actual threat has receded. Trauma is not something we can just "get over ''; we bear it for a year, possibly a lifetime, finding ways, or not, to mesh the experience into our life in both healthy and, more often, unhealthy ways. Trauma often permanently changes us, and even for those who want to have their lives back to a pre-trauma function, it can be difficult to accept. We are not defined by trauma, but we are certainly marked by it. Trauma can be described as the freezing of past and present into a single frozen defining moment that often defies understanding.
Trauma is both a process and a state of being. It defies words yet demands expression over and over and can emerge when we least expect it. The intensity of trauma seems to make it impossible to either remember or forget. The dichotomy defies rational thought and makes forgetting impossible while also making any form of recollection seem inadequate.
Often the traumatic event or series of events are too horrible to put into words; too horrifying to be integrated into how we make sense of the world. The intensity of a trauma is what defies understanding, and so a description that someone else understands seems to indicate that the trauma wasn't as intense as it seemed to be. Description seems impossible. When forced to discuss the traumatic occurrence, we recite it as if it is a story, one that happens to another person.
The dilemma is that we must tell our stories, and yet our stories cannot be told. The traumatic experience is, in a sense, timeless and ongoing. Trauma exists in the forever present, and in order to capture the heart of the experience, we must risk another journey back to the trauma. We are both back there and here at the same time, and we are able to distinguish between the two. We remember what happened then without losing a sense of existing and working toward healing in a positive way, into the light and warmth.
We struggle to put our experiences into words, and with the help of therapy and an empathetic professional, you can learn to heal from trauma. It is not an easy journey, one that takes time and patience. And yet, it is not okay to state that the horrors of the trauma are too terrible for words and, therefore, must be left unsaid and unheard. Many emerge from trauma, wanting to talk about what they describe as "unsayable." This is a power shift, one that allows you to regain your strength and find resilience without letting the trauma define you. Despite the content of what is said, what is crucial is that it is said. The significance of sharing a trauma lies not in what is said but simply that something is said and that the step is taken forward.
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